My Husband Won't Open Up About His Affair: Tips And Insights That Might Help

I often hear from wives who are desperately wanting answers about their husband's affair. And, often the husband is very reluctant, or downright unwilling, to give those answers. This can make the wife feel that the husband isn't really serious about making things right or about saving the marriage. This isn't always the case. There are many reasons YourLatinMates.com that husband don't want to open up about the affair. I'll outline some of those reasons (and offer some tips on how to deal with and overcome them) in the following article.

 

Sometimes, A Husband Won't Open Up About The Affair Because He Knows That No Matter What He Says, He Will Hurt Or Anger You: I sometimes speak with husbands on this issue. Many of them are honest and tell me that they feel as if they are truly in a no win situation. Many tell me that they feel as if there are no correct answers.

 

For example, one very common question the wife often has is if the husband loved (or at least felt strongly about) the other woman. The husband often knows that if he tells you there was an emotional connection, this is going to hurt you deeply and could make things worse. But if he takes the opposite route and tells you that she meant nothing YourChristianDate.com review  to him emotionally, he looks like a real creep who was only out for a physical release.

 

Here's another example. Let's say you want for him to open up about his thought process during the affair because you want to know precisely why the affair happened. He probably intuitively knows that he wants to steer clear of anything that would sound as if it were placing any blame on you. But, when he tells you that it was all his fault, he also knows that this isn't going to ring true for you and that you aren't going to believe him for a second.

 

Here's one more common scenario. Often, the wife will want to know where and how the infidelity took place. She'll want to know where the husband met the other person and how he carried this all out. But, the husband also knows that these answers are going to provide painful images that could hang around. For instance, if he tells the wife he took the other woman to their favorite restaurant, then enjoying a meal there is never going to be possible for the wife again. He also knows that if he discloses FlirtWith how sneaky and deplorable his behavior was, this is going to erode the trust even more.

 

So, even though he may well know that the right thing to do is to tell the complete truth, he also knows that doing so is likely going to bring about more pain. Most wives tell me that they think he won't open up because he's trying to save himself. Sometimes, there is some truth to this. But often, he's also trying to spare you more pain.

 

Think Very Hard About What You Need To Know About The Affair And Then Determine The Best Way To Ask It: I know firsthand that this process can be extremely frustrating. But, sometimes it can help if you sit down and ask yourself what are those things that you absolutely want and need to know in order to heal. Some things are non negotiable and some things truly are going to cause you more pain.

 

From all of the correspondence that I get on this topic and from my own experience, I believe that your need for him to "open up" about their affair stems from some very general needs. You want to know exactly what you are dealing with and what you are up against. Was this just a fling that was short lived or were there real feelings involved? Does he miss her? Is he still longing for her? You feel as though knowing the answers to these questions will give you a more clear picture of where you truly are right now.

 

And, you likely also want to know what left you vulnerable. Your biggest question about the affair is likely "why" because you don't want for this to happen to you again. If you're going to move heaven and earth to save this marriage, you want to make certain you deal with this one time and one time only. So, as a result you'll have questions like: "did you not love me? Is that why you had an affair? Or "did our marriage and our life not make you happy?" You are asking these questions because you want to understand where you went wrong and see if it's possible to make things right again.

 

Finally, you likely want to know how he feels about you and your marriage right now, after the affair. You want to know if he still loves you and if he's truly sorry. This is why you are watching him like a hawk to see how he responds to and reaches out to you. Often, you're asking non verbal questions to get answers to these issues even if you do not realize that you are doing it.

 

I've brought these general concerns up because I want for you to understand that many of the questions that you ask when you are trying to get him to open up about the affair are often meant to address all of these concerns, even if you think you're just lashing out. It helps to try to remember this when you start asking him to open up to you. Stick to those things that are going to move you forward or help you know what is essential. In other words, asking what type of lingerie she wore or what was involved sexually probably isn't going to get you any closer to knowing how he really feels about you, whether he will cheat again, and what went wrong. It will likely just hurt you more and put images in your head that are very hard to erase.

 

It can also help to preface your questions with the reasons for them. In other words, you may be tempted to say "what in the world were you thinking? Why did you do this to me?" But you may have better results if you instead say something like "it would help me if I could understand what might have lead you to do this. Can we talk about what you were feeling and thinking so that I understand how we might keep this from happening again? I'm not setting you up to argue with you or pile on. I really do just need to understand because knowing the truth will help me."